


World In Flames

by Mischeiefedmarauders



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 15:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18263945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischeiefedmarauders/pseuds/Mischeiefedmarauders
Summary: Die hasn’t been doing good the past couple months as he starts to spiral into old habits he wonders if anyone really cared about him.





	World In Flames

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea by listening to World In Flames by In This Moment, be prepared for angst and possibly tears.

/It's 2: 30 a.m. I slowly come awake. And I know somethings not right. I walk slowly to the door,   
and feel the heat through the walls; smell the burning outside/ 

Die shot up in his bed, eyes wide, breathy heavy, heart beating like crazy. When his brain finally caught up to him he let out a sigh and put his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes as he tried to steady his breathing, trying to remind himself it was only a dream, or a nightmare, that it wasn’t real. This was the third one that week though they had come back two months prior. It started off as just one or two here or there, but within the last month they had been more frequent and he didn’t like it. He knew what was bringing them on though, he had started to get back into his head, over thinking everything and he was sure that he hadn’t been eating as much as he had, which made him wonder if the other’s had noticed, which brought his brain down a darker path, one that he hadn’t explored since they first started after their first tour. What would happen if he were to just disappear, just stop trying? He let out a sigh and decided to get up, looking at the clock and seeing it was only half past two in the morning, there was no going back to bed for him. He had gotten enough sleep anyway, or as much sleep as one could get without sleeping entirely. Of course, sitting awake with his thoughts wasn’t a good idea either, going straight to the cabinet above the fridge and pulling out a bottle of whiskey and a glass before going over to a chair that was by the sliding doors that led to his balcony. He sat down, opened the bottle, a new one, he observed, trying to remember when he had gone through the other bottle he had. He shrugged though and poured himself a glass and started to drink while he watched the outside world. 

Die had gotten halfway through the bottle before the sun started to rise over the skyscrapers. He had hoped that the alcohol would have quieted his brain, but it did the opposite and he had a feeling that he should have known that. His mind was all over the place, but it always came back to nobody likes him, that he’s tolerated, which normally wouldn’t bother him too much, he knew it was a lie his brain told him, but that was starting to fade, especially the last couple months. He remembered exactly the moment it had come back. He was out with the band, they had a thing where they would all get together every Friday or Saturday, if they weren’t touring, and just chill, hit up a bar, someone host them for dinner, normal things where the only rule was, they weren’t supposed to talk about band stuff. That particular day they decided to go to a bar, one of their most frequented ones that were really good at being discreet and catering to make sure they don’t get harassed, though the random fan did make it to them, but they were more than happy to sign things or take pictures. 

That night had gone like any of the others, just them buying drinks, talking about random things that had happened to them the week before or just reminiscing about things, which usually turned out with them laughing at how ridiculous they all were back then and that sometimes they wished that they could still go that crazy, but they all agreed the PVC was behind them. Toshiya had brought up a particular memory after their first official concert they had all decided to party extremely hard, most of them not remembering the night before and everyone had a laugh about it, though Die’s was fake, he actually remembered everything about that night and it was one night that he wished that he could forget like the others. 

They had just been cut off and were all heading back to their hotel rooms, which Die managed to get Kyo, which he was excited about seeing as he had a pretty huge crush on the other and apparently, he was drunk enough to try and come onto Kyo as soon as they got into the room. Normally Kyo doesn’t drink and it was that night that made him reevaluate drinking, he hated not remembering and didn’t want that to happen again. They had a pretty good make out session and things were starting to get heated when Kyo stopped them. 

“We really shouldn’t...We’re both fucked, it’s really the only reason we’re doing this, it doesn’t mean anything” said Kyo stepping back. Die felt his heart shatter then, because it was definitely more for him, but at least he got shut down before he attempted anything else. He let out a laugh and waved his hand. 

“Yea, bad idea...Good call” he said as he stumbled over to his bed, though all he really wanted to do was to find a quiet place and cry. 

/And all I can see are these flames around me. And all I can think is I'm here alone. Please find me and save me. And even if the world ignites into flames, you'll be right here by my side. And as it burns away,   
you smile at me and say that, "not even death could take me away from you.”/ 

Die was brought back to the present by a loud thud from the upstairs neighbors. He looked over to the clock and saw that it was about time for them to get up and get ready for work. Die sighed and grabbed the bottle and filled the glass again and started drinking, trying not to think of that night, trying not to think about how much he loved Kyo and how much he couldn’t have him and that the other didn’t feel the same. He finished that glass and stood up and wobbled a bit before righting himself and walking to his room to get his phone and a pack of cigarettes that he hides and only goes for when he got into one of his moods. He opened the balcony door and pulled a cigarette out and lit it, taking in a big breath before letting it out. He didn’t dare go out onto the patio, he was on the fifth floor and even though he may be feeling like death he really didn’t want to end it, or so he thought. That brought back the disappearing, that no one would care, not the person he wanted at least. He took another drag and looked over the zippo. It was a Christmas gift from Kyo, engraved and all. He turned it over and read it. 

‘Just don’t burn the bus down-K' 

Die laughed at that one, it was one time, it was Shinya’s birthday and Die was trying to light the candles on his cake and he had accidentally set the curtains on fire. He finished the cigarette and put it out, closing the door and going back to the chair, taking out his phone and checking his messages, finding nothing, which brought that moment of happiness to come crashing down, back to thinking that no one cared about him. He poured another glass and took another drink, feeling a tear run down his cheek. 

/The fires are growing close, and all I smell is smoke... Yeah. Still it's beautiful to me.   
I hope you get here soon; I've been waiting here for you. I believed in you...So hurry please.   
There's these flames around me. Please come save me/ 

He finished the rest of the bottle within the next couple hours, but this point he was beyond a mess, he couldn’t cry anymore, his mind wouldn’t shut up and he had had enough. He reached for his phone and tried to get it to work, but he was too far gone, not even sure if he had gotten the right number, but he didn’t care, he needed to talk to Kyo. He couldn’t figure out how to call so he decided on a text though it was mostly gibberish. He felt himself starting to get lightheaded though and he quickly hit send before falling out of the chair with a thud and passed out, his breathing very shallow. 

/Where are you tonight? Come find me...Come find me...Cause you're not here by my side. And even if the world ignites into flames, you'll be right here by my side/ 

Die didn’t know what was happening, he was being woke up again, but he couldn’t move all he could hear is a terrible ringing noise and being surrounded by people he didn’t recognize. He tried to talk and sit up but he was pushed back down before passing out again. The nightmares were terrible again, worse than they ever had been before. He was on stage, he looked like he did from the 90’s, but there was no crowd, just the rest of the band, including him recently. He kept trying to play, but nothing would come out. He tried to explain but he couldn’t talk. Slowly, one by one each of his band mates slowly turned and walked away, leaving only Kyo and his present self. He tried to play again but found that his fingers were broken and bleeding. His eyes go wide as he looks up again. 

“It means nothing, we’re fucked....But that was a lie...I really don’t like you...I’ve never liked you, I just went with it because you were a good guitarist, but now look at you...You can’t even play anymore, you’re truly worthless” said Kyo before turning and walking away, leaving his present self who looked disappointed. 

“And here I thought I was getting better, you can’t do anything right can you? Should have just offed yourself back then when you had the chance” he said with a shrug before disappearing. Die fell to his knees and started crying and screaming, wanting them to come back, to give him another chance. He didn’t want to give up, he wanted to prove that he could do good and not be a disappointment. His band mates were surrounding him again, laughing at him. 

“Look at him, he truly is a wreck, I don’t even know how he managed for so long” said Toshiya. 

“Yea, I was kind of hoping he’d give up already, but he just doesn’t, just give up Daisuke, no one will miss you” said Kaoru. 

“Quit being so stubborn, let go, you’ll feel better” said Shinya, the only one who didn’t look evil. He looked at everyone, eyes wide, shocked that his band mates, his friends would say such things. He shook his head then, grabbing at his hair and pulling, screaming again. 

/Come home to me...Where are you tonight, love? Cause you're not here,   
you're not here with me. Please come home. It's burning outside! Please come home...Cause you're not   
Cause you're not here, you're not here with me. I've been waiting here for you. I hope you make it soon.   
The flames are right outside my door./ 

“I won’t give up! I don’t want to give up!” he screamed then everything went quiet. He took a couple breaths before looking up and seeing Kyo standing there, hand held out to him. 

“You have to fight Die, you have to wake up” he said. Die looked at him confused but put out his hand and grabbed it. There was a white flash then. The second time Die woke up it was in a hospital room and everything hurt. He let out a groan and reached up to grab his head, trying to remember how he got there and why he was there. 

“Oh thank god!” screamed Kyo as he came into the room, setting down his tea on the table and walked the rest of the way to Die’s bedside. 

“What happened?” he asked, his voice rough and his throat hurting. 

“You almost died...I got a text from you a couple days ago, it didn’t make sense, but then you called and all I heard was a thud. When I couldn’t get a hold of you again I made my way over and saw you passed out. I couldn’t wake you up and you weren’t really breathing so I called the ambulance” he said. “You scared the fuck out of me! What were you thinking? Why didn’t you talk to us!? To me?” he asked then, starting to get riled up. “I hate seeing you like this, we all do...” he said, his anger fading into sadness. 

Die listened, surprised that he had managed to get that bad, kicking himself in the ass for worrying Kyo like that. He started to mess with the edge of the blanket, not being able to look at their singer at the moment. 

“I’m sorry” he said and Kyo let out a growl. 

“Don’t be sorry...You promised, the last time we were in this situation, you promised if it ever got that bad again that you would talk to one of us! That you wouldn’t put us through this again...” he said, as a couple tears started to fall down his cheek. “You promised me...What happened?” he asked and Die looked up to him then, tears of his own in his eyes. 

“I don’t exactly know...” he said, though it was obviously a lie and of course, Kyo saw through it. 

“Bull shit! Tell me!” he yelled and that caused Die to jump a bit. He stopped messing with the blanket then and took another breath in, held it, then let it out. 

“Do you remember, a couple months ago, we were out at that bar and Totchi brought back the night after our first concert?” he said and Kyo nodded, confused. 

“Yea, none of us remembered anything, which, if I remember correctly, none of us thought it was too funny back then, but thinking back on it” he said with a shrug. 

“I remember...” he said and Kyo’s eyes went wide. 

“What do you remember?” he asked, his breathing picking up a bit, though he did a good job of hiding it. Die was still not all the way there so he didn’t catch the slight shift in Kyo. 

“That night, we kissed...A lot...I should have told you the day after, I shouldn’t have kept it from you...But...What you said after...That it didn’t mean anything and that we were drunk...It meant something to me” he said, as he started to shake a bit. He really should have shut his mouth then, but it seemed that once he had started, he couldn’t stop. Kyo sat down then, his movements a bit more stiff, but he didn’t say anything. “I really care about you...And, that memory brought all that back...All the thoughts and feelings from back then...I hadn’t realized it had gotten that bad...Honestly! I would have said something if I knew...It just all seemed to hit me last night and...Yea...I have no excuse” he said, tears falling down his face freely now. Kyo let out a sigh then and put his head in his hands before running them through his hair, though he wished it was longer so he could pull at it. 

“I have a confession” he said then, before looking up to Die. Die looked up and over to him, head tilted to the side. “I remembered that night as well...The reason I denied you was because I was scared...We were young and normally that would have been a good time to experiment, but...It wouldn’t have been an experiment, and...I didn’t know if you actually felt the same way I did, I thought it was just you being drunk...And when you mentioned that you didn’t remember anything, like everyone else, I figured I was right...” he said, head dropping now. Die couldn’t help but let out a laugh at that, though there was no joy in it. 

“I guess we both fucked up then” said Die. “Do you still feel that way?” he asked then, scared of the answer, but he had to know. 

“I do...I have, since that night...” he said, lifting his head and looked into Die’s eyes “Is it safe to assume you still feel the same?” 

“Yea” he answered, feeling a thousand times better at that confession, but he wouldn’t get his hopes up about anything happening between them. Die jumped a bit when Kyo stood up and leaned over the rest of the way and took Die’s head in one of his hands and kissed him. Die’s eyes went wide at the kiss and before he could kiss back Kyo was pulling away, a smile on his face. 

“Still as amazing as I remembered” he said before going back in for another, this time Die was ready and he met him halfway, his own hand going up to cup Kyo’s face, all the sadness in his heart starting to dissipate and fill with love, almost as if a vice had been loosened around his heart. Ko pulled back again. “Please don’t hurt yourself any more...” he said and Die nodded, a small smile on his face as well. 

“I promise” he said, as they kissed again.


End file.
